it's been 9 months since you passed away

Right now, choose life - seize your divine moment. Im more insular now and dad wouldnt want that I know but Ive slways been a bit one bitten twice shy. Over 57 years, my Mom had been an officer, board member and choir member. Thanks for your wirds, Ann Hi Holly, Its been five and a half months for me since my husband died. The first year was like being shipwrecked and all I could do was hang on to the wreckage and try to stay afloat as the storm raged around me. I just had my s/o 1 year anniv of his passing and it was really a difficult few weeks leading up to it. I havent lived since the diagnosis last June. I truly admire your honesty. I lost my husband 2 years ago very suddenly, we had been together 43 years. I managed him somehow . amen to all. So now that you're gone, how can I forget; My prayers are to hopefully things will get easier. I dont think I can love again. If there is a God please let me die. Year two can be very difficult, in some very unexpected ways. Im in a slump dont wont go out or visit. Then dealing with all the aftermath of it all its like i went into a different mental mode. Actually there have been windows of time, weeks at a time when I havent cried daily but I recently left the country to live in my native UK so I imagine that brought up a lot, hence the perceived regression. My Dad died back in 2001. Scars are a testament to life. There is nothing that could ever have prepared me for the past weeks since she died, and while this isn't the first time someone has written about grief, and it certainly won't be the last, it . He never smoked but had to have a lung transplant. Also I was told by the doctor to take time off my work to look after my husband. Whats a person to do with that, and where to go from here? Yes we exist- I endlessly question why? That was September 2013. Im still waiting for that window, Glad to find this article, I was married 55 plus years to a wonderful man. Wedding anniversary his birthday. I speak to him every day! Maybe I am afraid that I would one day forget the sound of my dads voice, his smiles and stories. I dont want to hear it so I dont go out anymore. I have lost all my strength without him. Of course, other times the pain is raw and I can not imagine going forward without her. Peace be with you!! What does life look like know for me is always on my mind. able to spend every minute with her. You pick up the pieces and go on, to create a new life for you. We were married since September 2004 and Re married (I should say Valentines Day 2012) She would have been 39 May 15th Now two Birthdays have past and two Mothers day. Never to be the same, never to fit into normal again. People always tell me to move on and Ive tried but it hasnt been the same. It's been 3 months since my husband passed. But I keep hitting brick walls. My Wife, best friend, confidant, solemate is gone. I Lost My Mom 12 Years Ago. So I dont open to her, she has a lot of anger, which doesnt help me at all. All My family lives out of town. Christmas, new year and my birthday went and she was still in coma. There is such sadness and emptiness. Im not suicidal, but I really dont care if I go on living, or not. He was so above pettiness and saw things though a better side of life. It didnt hit me until I was driving out of the hospital parking ramp: I didnt get to take her home. By doing that, I cheated myself a little but it wouldnt last much. I also listened to grief counselors online. The song comes five months after the artist's mother, Suzanne Olmstead, passed away in November 2021. Many days its a struggle to just get out of bed. The reply by this self-titled old guy might just change the way you approach life and death. I lost 2 strong important women in my family at the end of 2018. We were supposed to grow old together. Its horrific. I now am stronger. I am finding this second year incredibly hard to deal with. I lost my brother five years ago at the age of 43. I could punch her in the mouth when she says that. We use to play and sing together all the time. I cant go bact to where mum passed away or even look at the place when passing same listening to a song that was played at mums funeral. So it is a major move, but I am waiting until the end of the year or beginning 01-01-19 to make sure it is for the right reasons. There are times when sheer terror for my future without her just paralyzes me. He did his nightly walked, went to the store and picked up milk and bread which he always does, before he left I asked him if I could come but he said no then he gave each of us a kissed on the forehead and said hell be right back, he then told me to get the kids in bed as there was school the next day. Ive had only two positive dreams about him since my passing and each were overwhelming in the realization that the weight of the grief had been temporarily lifted. I have found that not everyone can understand and thats ok. Shopping and movies are the only things that can take me away from an episode of grief. I try and fill my time, but would rather be hold up in my house and not face the world. And took over my wifes life I came home valentines night from work found my wife leaning against the wall on the floor. I am just pretending Im ok, so my family does not worry about me, as I know I got to be strong for them. I can relate to everything you all are saying Three powerful life-changing words passed on from God to us: Now choose life! When I came out, I went looking for him. I sometimes wonder why I cant let go. We had been married 49 years, and I still have no idea how to live without him. What hurts me the most is that I wasnt with him when he died. I finally went to the ER and ask what had happened, I was told that they were trying to helped him and the nurse asked me if there was anything happening or saw something on him the day before, I said nothing but our daily routine, then the ambulance came but left after a few minutes and I was told the ambulance was clean, I asked her what do you mean by clean? I long everyday for my husband. I try to take steeps forward. I have wonderful family and I started going back to church after he died. I now regret it because little did I know he was grieving also, but I never knew because he was being strong for me. The first year the crying was more intense now its deeper in a way. Why am I doing this. My boyfriend Michael passed away suddenly two years ago. I will say all the craziness going on in the world and especially in the U.S. where the nightmares and fear continues with daily presidential tweetsa distraction I wish I didnt havebut a distraction from grief none the less. But I never did. Thank God, we have 4 children and 10 grandchildren. I felt like it was me who died the first year and I was a ghost in my own life. For a special kind of grief support clickhere: GRIEF COACHING. Its hard to understand why after 53 years, God would see fit to take one half of a union and leave the other half behind with such suffering. He was diagnosed with GBS syndrome. I miss him so much. I understand your grief. Im in the 3rd yrs of losing my brother and its been so hard then four weeks ago my other brother died! This pain is not forever. but it ends in a big cry fest. She fought for her life for thirty days. One day it will be my turn. I havent decided if thats true or not yet. My heart still beats, but my mind is not into anything. The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) told people to give . *DAYTIME AND EVENING GENERAL GRIEF GROUPS AVAILABLE EVERY WEEK* CLICK HERE TO JOIN US! Our marriage wasnt perfect but we worked through all our problems and we loved each other more now then when we first said I do. Your skin loses its moisture and its elasticity, so it shrivels up a bit. Itll be 2 years in August since my husband passed away and my life has changed forever.I long to join him but know I have to keep going one step at a time one breath at a time. Somewhere down the line, and its different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. I love you Max forever youll always be in my heart and I see you in our 4 sons and grandchildren..youre missing their weddings and special celebrationsto all of you hear on this page I pray you find hope and courage to keep going . that came with her struggle. It is now year two and in some ways hurt worse than the first when I was in shock. Its been little over seven months. With it being almost 2 years since he passed away and my 2nd birthday without him being a couple weeks from now, Im drowning. That helps . It is now over a year, I have dear friends, do many things like tennis and bridge, but cooking, eating and sleeping alone is torture. Every night when I lay down I think if I dont wake up tomorrow morning It will be okay.. It's the kind of heartache you can feel in your bones. I do not socialize, even at church. I lost my mum very unexpectedly and suddenly on the 27th october 2018. Cry daily cannot stop crying. I lost my beautiful wife to colorectal cancer on Valentines Day 2020. Thanks for this. I also never realized during the entire course of me caring for her, how fearful I was of getting sick. Ill keep tip toeing forward and maybe attempt to wave at someone carrying their boulder on the tight rope next to me. 4) Mom, your memories are my life's only solace. In February of last year, my Father passed away from pancreatic cancer. Unbeknownst to either of us he had a very enlarged heart. Your right the first year you are numb. I remember the meltdown in my life, Christmas day.realizing that I would never have another Christmas life my previous 20 years, I cried so hard, I didnt think I could have any tears leftbut they just kept coming. My good friend @goodiepocket gave me the sweetest early birthday gift and he edited together a tribute video for Beemo from the hundreds of videos on my phone. I went online and read countless stories from others. custom URL tracking provided That is a revealing statement and I think your church, which is a family, will prove to be a lifesaver. Cancer was the thief that stole him from me and has forever changed my life. I cant believe Ill never see her again or discuss personal issues, deep and meaningful comvos or lighthearted banterJust get through the day..It has helped reading your experiences. Its so much to deal with even with a grievance counselor. Nothing left for me. So I started dating. My youngest son had to see how she looked and one of my stepsons had to help move her to the floor as 911 talked me through CPR. He had cancer. Were in the club that no one wants to join. I just want to be with him. Such strength. 2nd year I didnt know how to cope with the pain so i was in a unlovable/toxic situation with someone plus I lost myself with drugs and alcohol. No amount of time can heal the sorrow of your passing away. My heart seems too heavy to carry inside this body. My situation a little different. I cannot go grocery shopping or I cry when I see his food. These days are what made the memories so hard to deal with. There are many people today in situations where their pets mean everything to them just like any human being could. I lost my husband on 17th December 2016. My father died in 2018, and I still grieve as if it just happened. I am so blessed to have found these resources and may they also provide some comfort to you. The lord said it was not my time. 40 years with my husband and losing him has been so very hard.And yet Ive discovered so much about myself. Now this next bit my shock some of you but I felt relieved. Feel like Ive gone back to the early days of losing him. Fighting for Surviving life minute by minute. I returned to those dark days and the grief now is unbearable l need her to comfort me its l like l finally realised that she is gone. We had 36 wonderful yeayears. Thank you for listening. Hang in there. As for dealing with the every day pain, I will share a story from my life that gets me through it: I have a very low pain threshold. I know how you feel! It has been over 2 years and I still miss him so. Changes in feeding times or even simply moving furniture around can cause further stress. Most of the time things are ok but every now and then Ill have a day thats just a throwback to the original date. I cannot remove all that I know he was going through from my mind. He had lost all his motor skills but not his brain and had 2 holes in his brain. It feels like Ive lost a part of my life. Just into the 2nd year since the passing of my husband. Im 72 years old I feel like I have to sneak around and hide out just to be with him it causes so much trouble so much stress we cant hardly enjoy being with each other because of my three grown kids. He was my life. Somehow it feels like its hurting more as time passes few people really understand. Thank you all who have shared their stories here. I dont have any words of advicejust know that I care that youre having a hard time. I try to do things volunteering etc.but I feel numb to everything. I met him when I was just 15 years old so I grew old with him. If I can last that long. As much as I hate to admit it (because it wasnt in my nature to even think this way), more often than not I think to myself: Whats the point?. They have no idea. Honey I dont want to do this anymore. When he died, a part of me died with him. I thought getting through the first year would be the hardest but as it turns out year two is just as bad. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Rnyqe1XiP0. 2 and half months without seeing her smile and hearing her voice pains me a lot and now the thought of not growing up with her kills me 1 minute at a time. Im so incredibly sad all day, everyday. I feel as though Im nothing. He was 48 and we were married 27 years. We were married 28 years and I miss him so much and we have 2 grown boys. I have been plotting along now for 2 years 4 months. I keep saying to myself I should have and could have done more to help her. I hope that all of us find a peace and it may not be till we cross to the other side and find the loves of our lives waiting there on us. Im sorry. That is due to family saying their final goodbyes, and now Im planning what next with my life. Her suffering in the end made things even worse. I hope you find what works for you, what helps get you through, what makes it bearable to be alive. Everyone seems to think that was long enough. I miss you. There are no rules about how you . Im working towards my PhD in Holistic health & nutrition, I run every day to keep depression at bay, practice yoga, lift weights, take walks, & I appreciate & thank God for good memories we had shared & the little beautiful moments I may experience each day, like a colorful sunset from my window or a whistling bird outside.

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