short funny affirmations

60. 50. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 186. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. Im gonna be worse., 12. See more ideas about sarcastic, funny quotes, funny. I choose to stop obsessing about my body. Shoot for the moon. 228. 96. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. 195. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. 11. 9. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. 245. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. Milton Berle Bill Murray, 257. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 253. My body belongs to me and I can set boundaries around it. 161. 225. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. Build a bridge. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. 270. 55. I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. - Unknown. 230. Socrates. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. Never let anyone waste your time twice. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. 153. Because it was soda pressing. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? 46. Its okay if people dont like me. 220. - Bob Hope. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. I release all shame about my body. 211. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? 268. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. 47. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. 197. 1. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. 182. Because he was always spotted. - Billie Burke. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. 7. 23. 129. Sam Levenson. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. Albert Einstein 81. Thank God Im an atheist. I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. Remember, What consumes your mind, controls your life., 7. 103. Ive been doing nothing for years. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. 31. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. 90. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. Well, life isn't just about glitz and glamour nor rainbows and butterflies. "I make people laugh, whether it's with me or at me.". Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. Because he was always spotted. 121. It is already tomorrow in Australia.". If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. They are a powerful tool you can use to change your attitude, your perspective on life and shift from a negative to a positive mindset. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. Its scary when it disappears. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. 7. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. P.D. Education cost money. 178. These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. Pat Sajak Read the first word again. I dont suffer from insanity. 65. 25. 154. 179. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. I am confused between what I like the most hanging out or posting that I hung out. I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. 114. 260. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. I know the best time to make fun. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. I tried, but they wanted cash. 3. 148. 18. 215. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. 244. 59. 165. "May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short.". "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". 170. 1. - George Burns. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. 210. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. 57. 133. I am intelligent. "Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. Never ask a starfish for directions. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. 223. "Life is like an elevator - Sometimes it stops. Bill Murray, 251. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! 144. How do astronomers organize a party? 105. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. I dont think thats a coincidence. Why was six scared of seven? 39 funny positive affirmations. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. My cankles will hold me. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 187. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. 265. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. I feed my spirit. 246. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. Because it was soda pressing. At night, I cant fall asleep. I dont care! If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. 50. In between, I am alive. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. 162. Ben Hogan. 94. 17. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] Ken Dodd, 255. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. No, but April may. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. Nothing, they just waved. Short Funny Affirmations. 70. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. 218. 273. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. By waking up and repeating this mantra, you will set the tone for the day. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? As I become responsible, I have got more powers. 249. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! 164. My mistakes dont define me. 74. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. 34. George Burns "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". Robert A. Heinlein, 243. A gummy bear. I did it! I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. 5. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. You can only be young once. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. 83. I will go out. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Not everyone has good taste. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. Learn sign language, its very handy. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. I draw from my inner strength and light. Short people with an umbrella. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. Funny Daily Affirmations. 203. Every day I am devoted to my passions and dreams. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. Lorrin L. Lee. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. 221. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? A backbone. Flip Wilson, 263. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. 102. 189. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. Sincerely, yourself., 2. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. 30. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . 264. You can write them down and use them whenever you're attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. 213. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. 134. 219. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. Theres no stopping me now. I love my job only when Im on vacation. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. Enjoy! 116. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. I'm doing great. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. Walter Bagehot. 252. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. 7. 277. 191. 140. 10. Emphasis on the cool. Oh sheet! Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. 28. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. Its a door, thats how they work. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? I love my kids, which means I am doing just fine. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. First, read the most powerful affirmations below to build a strong mind. I teach my kids good things in sarcastic ways. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. Flip Wilson They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. Effective pushing often involves poop. Laughter keeps us from taking life too seriously, and life certainly does everything it can to ensure that we take it too seriously. Today, I am thankful for this week. 166. Need to send some positive energy your way? We have a connection. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Not everyone has good taste. Alison Boulter. Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". So, why not team them up? 70. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. My mom scolds me for no reason. Look, youre smiling! Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Description for this block. You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. I'm a peli-can! Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. 157. 115. 17. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Today, I choose to put on my positive pants. Use this space for describing your block. What we say not only affects our lives but also has an impact on those around us. 64. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? Best friends eat your food. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? It has features that are distinctive and make me who I am. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. 204. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. I love my job only when Im on vacation. To conclude this list of funny affirmations, heres a few that are specifically focused around work. 101. 33. 193. Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". Sam Levenson. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. I am grateful for that time. Actually, you dont have to imagine. "Today will be a great day". Focus on the positives and be grateful. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. Not everyone has to like me. Steve Martin Be careful when you follow the masses. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. 214. I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. Get help beating negative thinking by reciting positive affirmation every day. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! 117. 52. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. Im describing you. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. 235. Robert A. Heinlein I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. Words have the power to make or break us. In between, I am alive. Some when they enter, some when they leave. 271. Life is becoming easier and less serious. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. East Short Positive Affirmations set the pace for your day. I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. But even if this does happen, who cares? Cry a river. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. 192. 163. 99. 2. 56. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor.. I always find something funny in every situation. What do you call a bear with no teeth? 10. 247. 79. Sincerely, the floor. No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Theres life without Facebook and internet? Alright, get in the basket. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. Happy Birthday.". 122. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. It makes them so damned mad. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. When they go away, its a brighter day. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. No matter what a mess I am, my kids adore me. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. Jonathan lockwood huie. 67. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. 21. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. 8. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans.

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